There was a time in my life I thought everything had to be perfect and if something went wrong I had to make it better immediately. When I couldn’t make it get better I’d lash out in anger.
I think this stems from my childhood. My brother died when I was 2, and I am sure I didn’t understand why my parents were always upset and why my love was never good enough to make it better. This conclusion has been reached after many discussions with close friends and not from therapy, so who knows if it’s accurate.
I’ve matured a lot in this area. My quick-to-anger personality has mellowed. I am able to accept reality and breathe and know that life moves on even when it’s not perfect and that I am loved anyway. Today, though, I was quick to anger at my friend and I knew immediately it stemmed from something I was going through that currently isn’t “perfect”.
I put “perfect” in quotations because my perfect is different from God’s perfect. God’s perfect is more tolerant of mistakes, diversity, and human fallibility. My perfect depends on if things are going according to my plan and everyone is perfectly happy.
Back in January one of my friends/mentors sent me a devotional. She suggested I read it and reflect for ten minutes and write whatever I want. I fell out of the habit because (insert stupid excuse here), but today when I snapped at my friend I knew I needed to work on my emotional stability again. So I didn’t wait until tomorrow, I opened it up today. God’s timing is perfect. Read this and tell me that isn’t true.
Love and prayers,