Faith-Sowing and reaping and loneliness

There’s an immense pressure to take advantage of every single weekend in the summer. If it’s not jam packed with a BBQ, hiking, the beach, and at least one pool party you’re not living.

Last weekend I didn’t have a lot planned. Ok, basically nothing. Friday night was a Yankees vs. Sox game through Northeastern Alumni. Saturday was bootcamp then a house “cooling” party at night (great idea, by the way! She was moving out). Sunday was literally nothing.

At the YMCA I was consistently friendly with everyone. I had my moments, as it was customer service, but I did pretty well. There was one woman who would come in with Red Sox gear like she worked there. Turns out her husband does. She brought up that they have extra tickets, so we exchanged numbers and I said on the off chance you do call me!

Sunday rolls around, I’m thinking about what to do with my life, and I get a call from her. It’s an hour before the game starts, do you want two tickets? I tell her to give me time to call to friends to find someone to go.

I start texting/calling people and no one can go. In my head I’m thinking “I’m such a loser, I have no friends, should I go anyway because I have nothing else to do? Take advantage of it? Ugh.”

I call her back and accept the tickets. I’m on the train to the game messaging people including people from my dating apps. One offered to come if I’d make a bet with him that if they win we’d have victory sex. Yeah no.

I get brave and post on Facebook about the tickets. What’s everyone going to think? I’m a loser because I have to use Facebook to find someone? Whatever, I guess it’s better than going it alone.

I’m thinking to myself what a loser I am, I should’ve stayed home, why am I on this train, I’ll just go for a couple innings and if I hate it I’ll leave. I can’t believe I was sucked into the peer pressure of needing to take advantage of every moment of the summer.

I get to the park, find the tickets, find my seat. They’re awesome. Behind first base. I sit for a little and keep checking my phone. Now I’m that loser at a baseball game not living in the moment. But alas! A Facebook message. My mentor told me that a couple of our mentors were at the game and that a mutual friend was looking for them in Boston all weekend. So I call him, and he’s almost in NH, about 45 minutes away. In my head I am begging him to turn around, but I try not to show it. He does! He comes to the game and he tracks down our mentors that he has been trying to find ALL weekend.

Because I dared to be lonely, to go and do even when everything was screaming at me not to, I made his dream come true. It was the perfect ending to the perfect weekend.

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Faith-Rollercoaster Wednesday

There are more times than not lately that I’ve asked “God, are you listening at all?”

He has come to answer that in a big way.

My driveway is being worked on and the roommates upstairs have an average of four cars in the driveway (they are only supposed to have one). There’s not a lot of space as it is and it’s easy to get blocked in. So out of courtesy and mostly because I would get very emotionally agitated if I woke up and was blocked in I parked on the street last night. Street cleaning is a thing in the city, but since I’ve lived in one it’s always been during the day (i.e. 9am, when I’m not there). So I didn’t think to check. Well, turns out Somerville is from midnight to 1am on what day? Wednesday. My car had a $50 parking ticket. Thankfully, it didn’t get towed, which happens in many cities.

Finances have not been where I want them to be lately. It’s been a sore spot, mostly because I haven’t been diligent and disciplined. I’m still saving more than I’m spending, but not at the rate I’d like.

I get to work and login to Amazon. For some strange reason, my Husky email has defaulted as my login and my password worked. I go to buy a pair of shoes and Amazon automatically applies Prime (which is free for students, and a $99 value). This also saves me on shipping ($14?). Ok, God, thank you.

Work is going swell and I ended up getting promoted. Yay! CAD III, $5,000 raise.

I stepped on the scale yesterday, and even though I feel SO much stronger and fit at Title boxing, I’m up 5lbs since ending my food study. I have mixed emotions.

I leave work, am exhausted, so I come home and nap. I leave to go get groceries and am having a really difficult time managing my emotions around eating.

I come home and there’s these two young young kids and their grandmother, Spanish, looking through garbages for cans. My heart breaks for them. I walk in the door and God says go give them money. And I thought “That’s really weird, what will they think, will they accept it, I don’t have cash”. And God is like GO. So I find a $50 VISA card I got from work for being their five years, whoopie! And I walk to find them. They’re stopped out front of this guy’s house who has a garden and he gives them veggies. I hand her the card and explain in Spanish that there is $50, and she thanks me. He then gives me some veggies!

I’ve been listening to Gary Keesee’s podcast about prosperity. It’s been awesome. This was part of the inspiration for following this request from God. It was hard! But I knew I’d be more upset with myself for not following it.

That was the highlight of my day. Even though getting a promotion and amazon prime for free was great, I wouldn’t have traded giving them the VISA card for the world. As I was walking back to my house I thought to myself “who am I to care about those 5lbs? Things could be so much worse. You could have such bigger problems. Thank God that’s your only problem.”

This post isn’t well edited or thought out, but I had to get this day down before I forgot. And I haven’t posted in a while.

Fitness-Title Boxing

Time to get serious about my upper body/core strength. I’ve dabbled in boxing before, but have yet to attempt a Title Boxing workout. That is until yesterday.

They offer one free class, but you have to buy the $10 hand wraps.

It was an hour long. 15 minutes warm up, 8 rounds of 3 minutes of punching, 1 minute rest in between, 15 minutes abs.

They have a 45minute and 85 minute class. Of course I’m getting on that when I can.

Pros-

  • Engaging, I didn’t feel like checking the clock for time endured but mostly for that “when is this round over I’m exhausted” check.
  • Cute men.
  • Early class times (5:30am M+F)
  • Core, core and core
  • Community seems ok
  • I would definitely stick with it

Cons-

  • Form not really emphasized or taught during class.
  • Groupies-there are some people that seem all-in. I guess that’s not terrible, but sometimes I roll my eyes and say they have you hook, line and sinker
  • E-x-p-e-n-s-i-v-e. I think we’re talking $119 a month.
  • I felt dizzy at one point 😦 I think I need to gauge my effort better
  • Not sure if it’s enough to get me to a pull up.

I thought I’d walk out of there 100% sold but I wasn’t. I was ready to buy a membership, but when they didn’t really teach form and a lot of people I saw were there doing it haphazard I kinda lost faith.

I had a really good discussion with the assistant manager about this and we had real talk. I told her I was a personal trainer and spin instructor, she told me she became involved with boxing after her boyfriend died and she stopped powerlifting and gained weight (yeah, for some reason people confess this stuff to me often). She made me feel better and told me I get a complimentary 30 minute form training session with my membership.

After thinking about things more I emailed her asking about getting something to cover me now until Sept. 1st. I figure that’ll give me a month to get settled, get form, and really experience the gym before I commit. Then I go on vacation for two weeks, then I’ll come back and make a long term commitment in mid September if that’s what I decide is right.

I get $150 reimbursement from my health insurance and maybe I can ask my parents to give this to me as my Christmas gift this year.

Of course, all I naturally do is beat myself up for not making more money for this to not be an issue. Then I beat myself up for not wanting to spend money on my health. Sigh, what a catch-22. My rent is going up by $300 a month and my income is going down because I’m not working my side gigs as much (by choice). I’m really beating myself up about my finances. Need to start to get educated and organized again. My thoughts are all over the place. I could work more side gig to make up for it. But I don’t know if I want to.

I need to analyze my budget is what I need to do. I’m going to wait until August because of a cool reason which I will let you on about as soon as I hear officially. 😉

God, what do you think?