Hey friends, it’s been a while. I guess life has been getting away from me recently.
I have been keeping to my three weightlifting sessions a week, and I’m excited to report on that when it finally ends on Christmas.
I’ve been keeping busy with that and dating. There’s a few experiences that I’d like to reflect on in this post.
I’m changing names, for no good reason.
The first is with a guy named Matt. He and I went on three dates. The first was drinks, the second was a movie at my house, the third was a workout then back to my place to hang out. He has a solid job, was raised Catholic but not practicing, and was paying off his student loans. He was really straightforward in telling me that he didn’t know what he wanted right now. I thought I was ok with that. After three dates, he re-established this and told me that “I wasn’t what he thought of every morning” and it was unfair to me to not be. He said there was no spark. I agreed, but I also think spark is what you make it. He wanted to continue to be friends, but I knew myself better than to let that be a thing. So I told him that we couldn’t. He never even asked for my number. I decided it would be better to cut all contact, so I unmatched him. We left on good terms and I explained to him that I’d un-match him before I did. Right before I unmatched him, he messaged confirming he knew I was going to, and said “I think it’s the best for both of us”. I’m not really sure what he meant by that, even though I so badly wanted to ask.
Lesson learned: I think “spark” takes more effort than is advertised, and it’s part charm on the man’s side, part flirtatiousness on the girl’s side, and part hormones. I don’t think it’s all hormones.
The second is a guy named Josh. After the first experience with inviting a boy over the first time meeting him, I was pretty scarred and made the rule I wouldn’t do that again. Josh and I had a little more conversation beforehand that went better, and I invited him over to watch football with my roommates there the first time we met. I was in the middle of a cold, so I told him that I would be wearing sweats and not putting in any effort. I also clarified he wasn’t getting any. He was ok with that, so he came over. Honestly, I didn’t expect it to go anywhere anyway, and I thought might as well have a guy over, who knows. My roommates LOVED him. He’s very into sports and they all bonded over fantasy. This was a Sunday, and the Pats weren’t playing until Monday. We texted on Monday and he invited me over for the Pats but I still wasn’t feeling well. So I said he could come over again, but I wasn’t going anywhere. He said ok, then he asked if we could do dinner, and I said honestly I really am not feeling it. He offered to cook me chicken noodle soup (he went to culinary school). After having been un-dated by Matt the week before, this kinda made up for it. So I accepted, he brought chicken noodle and we watched the Pats. Also from being scarred with my last relationship and being called selfish, I bought him sushi (he loves sushi) on my way home in exchange. Then he kinda disappeared a little. I’m not sure where it’s going, I don’t really want a long term, but we’re still talking.
Lesson in progress: Not every guy is a total douche on the first date if they come over, and it’s ok to be spontaneous sometimes. My thought process is, I’m not going to be dating forever, so why not try things.
Third guy is James. We had a lot of conversation and he seemed really awesome. But, I got a lot of mixed messages. One said that at best “we could be friends with benefits”. The next message, he was annoyed with me for saying something that friend zoned him. He was actually someone I was excited to meet (generally conversations are pretty lame before the meet up, and there’s xyz thing that is less than ideal so my philosophy is at worst I learn something new about something while I’m with him). We met for drinks, and the drinks were really strong. I had two and knew better than to drive home right away. I told him that, and our options were to stay and drink water or go for a walk. He pushed to go for a walk, so we did. . Mind you, it’s 20deg outside. Before we left, he stole my hat without me realizing, and wore it, and it was cute and funny. We walked down this park, and he was freezing. I was actually dressed for the occasion because I had been outside for something earlier. Anyway, we reached the end of a dock/boardwalk thing, and we stood there for two seconds and he was shivering, and he said “help me warm up” so I got closer, and then we kissed. And it was magical, and awesome. It was the best kiss/first date I’ve had in a long time. Then he walked me to my car, I drove him to his, and that was it. That was two days ago, and he hasn’t messaged me since.
Lesson learned: Even if you feel like you have amazing chemistry, guys can suck.
I’m not sure where this is all leading to, I’m not sure if this is what I should be doing, I’m not sure if this will get easier with time. I am definitely learning a lot. And as one of my dear friends says, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs”. I’m trying to relax about it, be less intense, and enjoy the ride as best I can. The bumpy, hard, rocky, and emotional ride.